A Lost Monster A Map And A Guide
by ForTheTrees
Summary: They told me I screwed up. They told me I got in trouble. They told me I was bad. That's why I was taken to Blackthorne. I didn't believe it. Not at first. Then it was pounded into my head. I believed it. I had screwed up. I didn't know. They took me. Because I screwed up. I was lost.


Lost. I am lost. I don't know where I am. I can't find my way. I don't know who I can trust. I am lost in a world filled with people. They all hold maps. They won't share. I am alone.

They came for me. They wore suits. They took me from my family. They took me away. They took me to a school. That's when I became lost. I didn't know what was going on. Who would help. What I'd do. I didn't know.

School was difficult. They pushed me to my limits. They challenged me. I was up for it. I learned new things every day. I was on top of my game. I could do anything. I still didn't know. What was going on? I thought I had found my way. But I was wrong. I was lost.

The physical curriculum was challenging. It was difficult. Midnight runs and daybreak jogs. Fight. Train. Fight. I was drifting deeper into confusion. Why were we being trained? Why were we so horribly treated? What was going on? I don't know. I was lost.

They told me I screwed up. They told me I got in trouble. They told me I was bad. That's why I was taken to Blackthorne. I didn't believe it. Not at first. Then it was pounded into my head. I believed it. I had screwed up. I didn't know. They took me. Because I screwed up. I was lost.

They told everyone that. We all believed their lies. They were bad. We believed we were bad. We started as good kids. But they convinced us that we were bad. So we fought. And trained. And fought. We thought that's what we should do. We were bad. So we should learn to be worse. We needed to be worse. I didn't know.

They pushed us. We thought we were bad. They didn't. Not yet. They pushed us. They made us evil. They tried. Some couldn't resist. They went on for lives of crime and terror. Some of us fought. And trained. And fought. We would not become evil. We would prevail. We tried. We were lost. I was lost.

The good reached out to us. A school thought we were good. They were wrong. They were the good fighting the evil. We were the evil fighting the good. They could help. We went there. They were good. They didn't know us. And I was lost. Again. I had become accustomed to the bad ways. The good ways were new to me. Kindness. Compassion. Integrity. Those were not Blackthorne qualities. These girls had maps. Different maps. Where was my map? I was still lost.

But one girl had a map. She was smart. She was pretty. She was kind. She showed me the map. She showed me that I wasn't bad. She showed me that I was good. She showed me how to be better. She showed me the map. But I couldn't read the map. I was still lost.

I couldn't read the map. The map was not in my language. I understood Pain. Destruction. Chaos. She understood Kindness. Compassion. Integrity. She thought I understood. But I was lost.

She taught me. She taught me to be kind to all. She taught me how to reach out to others. She taught me the truth. I was finding my way. Maybe I wasn't lost. She guided me to the path. She held back the monster that grew inside me. She beat him down. She didn't kill him. He was immortal. She beat him down. She kept me safe. She showed me the way.

Then we left. And I lost the map. Blonde hair had led me to goodness. Now I was without my guide. My friend couldn't lead me. And I was lost. I strayed. I slowly drifted back toward the bad. Pain. Destruction. Chaos. Blackthorne replaced the good teachings. I couldn't hold back. The monster overtook me. I fought. And trained. And fought. I didn't know.

I ran. Too much bad had made me crazy. I needed a breath of good. I ran. Some ran with me. Some were already gone. They were good. He was good. He fought the monster in him. He ran with me. We found his guide. She was hurt. He was sad. But he fought his monster. He had his map. He tried showing it to me. It was a different language. Was it Kindness? Compassion? Integrity? Had I forgotten the language of the Good? I don't know. I was lost.

His guide was hurt. She had forgotten. But she remembered Kindness. Compassion. Integrity. She was lost. Yet she knew. She had a guide. She was his guide. They led each other. They knew. But still I was lost.

He found his guide. My guide was looking. I found her. She found me. She was surprised. I had forgotten Kindness. Compassion. Integrity. I had turned into my monster. My monster had won. She was surprised. I thought she'd leave. She stayed. She didn't leave. She stayed.

She taught me again. She kept bashing my monster. She wanted him dead. Years and years and years. She bashed him. She tried to kill him. Maybe she did. I don't know. We grew together. She fought my monster. I held onto her Good. She helped me. I helped her.

I showed her Bravery. Determination. Love.

I hadn't meant to learn those. But I did. I learned Bravery. I had to deal with my monster. I had to fight. He was scary. I was Brave. I learned Determination. I wouldn't let my monster win. I would prevail. He would lose. I wouldn't stop fighting. Love. She taught me Love. She didn't know. I didn't know. We learned Love together. She knew Bravery. Determination. Love. But she didn't know. I showed her the good inside her. She was Brave. Determined. Full Of Love. But I had to show her. She showed me mine. She told me she fought her bad. She fought her monster. She was taught Kindness. Compassion. Integrity. She was taught. And she had learned. She understood me.

Together we learned. We shared a map. We guided each other through the Evil. I had lost her. I had found her. We would fight together.

I had lost her again. This time she was gone forever. My fingers feel cold stone. My feet stand upon wet grass. I trace a letter. And another. Engravings. The marker is cold. It is strong. It is real. She is gone.

My guide was gone. Was I lost? I don't know. Was I misunderstood? I don't know. Was I Evil? No. I know I'm not Evil. I am good. I was without my guide. Yet I wasn't lost. I wasn't misunderstood. She had taught me a lot. She had shown me a lot. I knew I was Good. She was gone forever. But I knew that my monster was gone. She was gone. I didn't feel my monster clawing at my heart. My monster was dead. She killed him. She saved me. But I couldn't save her.

What is pain? Destruction? Chaos?

I don't know. I remember hearing those words. But they are lost in my mind. They are lost.

I am not.

_Thank you. You were my guide through Evil. My map through Good. You taught me Kindness. Compassion. Integrity. You saved me from my monster._

_Thank you._

**That was weird. \/(O.o)\/ I was trying to get out of my comma-happy habits, but it turned out pretty cool (I think) so I published it. It's WAY different than my usual writing style, but I liked it. So, leave me a review and tell me how I did.**

**I don't own the Gallagher Girls. (Didn't want to put that at the top, but it's required.)**


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